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Thread: Constructive Criticism For My Story

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceJaron View Post
    I don't think "show, don't tell" is appropriate for dialogues. It's only appropriate to something like this.

    Show: The boy was hurt.
    Tell: The boy yelled loudly in pain, tears soon came rolling down to his cheeks.

    Just my opinion.
    What I meant was:

    Show = Expression
    Tony bled as he cries out for help.

    Tell = Dialogue
    "Help! I am bleeding!" Tony cried.
    Reality flickers as you begin to wake up.

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  2. #22
    Lesser Wizard MagestyGT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceJaron View Post
    I removed what?

    You wouldn't be saying typical soon enough, just you wait. Teehee.

    I still have trouble describing. I don't like it if it's too descriptive and also if it's too plain. I want to be adequate and just right, and so far, I'm still not able to do that.

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    The title mentions the place, but I see no point as to telling the year? I don't know. Is it...necessary?
    At first I was thinking of a medieval time period, but then there were guns.
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  3. #23
    Lesser Wizard PrinceJaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MagestyGT View Post
    At first I was thinking of a medieval time period, but then there were guns.
    Hmm. Okay, I'll find one part of the story to tell the time. Thank you for the suggestion.
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