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View Full Version : How to Survive A Horror Movie 101.



26FtW26
09-07-2015, 02:11 PM
Hello! In today's lesson, I'll teach you how to survive a horror movie! So, let's begin!

1. Requirements:

Do not get high or drunk at any time.
Do not leave your friends/other people, unless your admiral akbar senses are tingling and/or these friends are majorly under the effect(s) of drugs.
You must NOT be sceptical about the existence of ghosts, zombies or anything else paranormal, or else you'll be the first one to die.

(Optional) have a gun
(Optional, but highly recommended) be black


Okay! Now, if you're sure you meet all the requirements, I have some tips to help you survive!


If you hear a scream, don't follow it.
Don't look for your friends, they'll already be dead or slow you down and/or be the killer (plot twist!).
The main bad guy doesn't die from gunshots, knives and you can not outfight him.
In some cases, you can outrun the bad guy, but once you look behind a corner, he will jumpscare you!
DO NOT YELL! You'll alert the bad guy(s) of your location.
If you have a car, USE IT. Don't be a moron.


Now, I will make a tutorial for the most cliche horror situation in all of everything. You can easily translate this tutorial to be of help in a different situation, by using common sense.

The "cabin in the woods" situation:
You are in a cabin in the woods with a bunch of your friends, about to get drunk, lose your virginity and possibly get high, with a killer maniac also hanging around the cabin.
Here's what you do: you do NOT get high and/or drunk. Your virginity is up to you to decide, though. Next, you will want to get that hunting rifle your friend always keeps on the wall for some reason. Since your friends will be completely wasted, they won't even notice it's gone. Make sure it's loaded and fully functional.
If there is a door to the basement, lock that door if possible and put heavy objects in front of the opening/door, such as a closet. Again, your friends won't even notice it. If anyone is looking for the basement, just hand them another drink.
About 3 hours after your friends have started to drink, weird things will start happening, such as: shadows behind windows, weird noises etc. At this point, you will have to camp out in a medium sized room with no windows only one door (if possible), and plenty of furniture, such as a kitchen, or a big bedroom. You will stand, crouch lay down, aiming your hunting rifle at the door(s).
But, make sure to take caution. If someone walks into the room, there is a high possibility that it's your friend, and not the killer. If they ask you stupid questions, such as "What are you doing," hand them another drink and tell them you're roleplaying.
About 2 hours in from there, all your friends will probably be dead. If after 5AM the laughter and voices of your friends do not stop, there's a high possibility that there was no killer, but the chance of that is about as low as zero.
Back to the subject. If the voices of your friends stop, there's about a 97.4% possibility that they are completely dead, and that the killer has now left, or is looking for you. At this point, an uneducated peasant will think "what do I do now!? I am trapped in this room and I can't even be sure if the killer is gone yet :cry:." But considering the fact that you are reading this guide, I am sure that you are of the highest ranked people in this society.
Well, there is many things you can do at this point. If you have a phone, turn it on 0% volume and start texting (DO NOT CALL THEM) someone who wasn't with you to this trip, and who you presume to be alive and whom you trust. Tell them to call the cops to your location. They should arrive in about 1-3 hours, time can vary based on your location.
If you do NOT have a phone, you must wait until you're positive that it's daytime outside. Then you must grab your gun, sneak to the closed door, open it and run towards the exit for your dear life. There's a chance that the killer has left, but there's also a chance that he/she is still in the house, waiting to ambush anyone brave enough to walk around.

Once you're outside, you must find the most clear path (by clear I mean no trees around the road, no tall grass etc) and make it out of the forest. Once you're out, you're safe.

Hans
09-07-2015, 02:15 PM
best guide i have ever seen from a legend

just to be expected from the killer of most of the horror movies ;)

mokky
09-07-2015, 02:17 PM
-empties Lego set outside the doors-

26FtW26
09-07-2015, 02:43 PM
-empties Lego set outside the doors-

If you're lucky and the murderer will be barefoot, legos will take him out in no time.

Hans
09-07-2015, 02:45 PM
If you're lucky and the murderer will be barefoot, legos will take him out in no time.

really? how bout poisonous darts super glued to the floor near the door?

26FtW26
09-07-2015, 02:53 PM
really? how bout poisonous darts super glued to the floor near the door?

too much effort. also legos kill instantly, the poison will take a while to take effect.

Hans
09-07-2015, 02:56 PM
too much effort. also legos kill instantly, the poison will take a while to take effect.

i heard from the old that plastic spoons do better than legos but idk

ianCSzz
09-07-2015, 03:02 PM
i heard from the old that plastic spoons do better than legos but idk
I heard that Hans poop does 10 times better than legos.

Simplify_
09-07-2015, 05:12 PM
Hello! In today's lesson, I'll teach you how to survive a horror movie! So, let's begin!

1. Requirements:

Do not get high or drunk at any time.
Do not leave your friends/other people, unless your admiral akbar senses are tingling and/or these friends are majorly under the effect(s) of drugs.
You must NOT be sceptical about the existence of ghosts, zombies or anything else paranormal, or else you'll be the first one to die.

(Optional) have a gun
(Optional, but highly recommended) be black


Okay! Now, if you're sure you meet all the requirements, I have some tips to help you survive!


If you hear a scream, don't follow it.
Don't look for your friends, they'll already be dead or slow you down and/or be the killer (plot twist!).
The main bad guy doesn't die from gunshots, knives and you can not outfight him.
In some cases, you can outrun the bad guy, but once you look behind a corner, he will jumpscare you!
DO NOT YELL! You'll alert the bad guy(s) of your location.
If you have a car, USE IT. Don't be a moron.


Now, I will make a tutorial for the most cliche horror situation in all of everything. You can easily translate this tutorial to be of help in a different situation, by using common sense.

The "cabin in the woods" situation:
You are in a cabin in the woods with a bunch of your friends, about to get drunk, lose your virginity and possibly get high, with a killer maniac also hanging around the cabin.
Here's what you do: you do NOT get high and/or drunk. Your virginity is up to you to decide, though. Next, you will want to get that hunting rifle your friend always keeps on the wall for some reason. Since your friends will be completely wasted, they won't even notice it's gone. Make sure it's loaded and fully functional.
If there is a door to the basement, lock that door if possible and put heavy objects in front of the opening/door, such as a closet. Again, your friends won't even notice it. If anyone is looking for the basement, just hand them another drink.
About 3 hours after your friends have started to drink, weird things will start happening, such as: shadows behind windows, weird noises etc. At this point, you will have to camp out in a medium sized room with no windows only one door (if possible), and plenty of furniture, such as a kitchen, or a big bedroom. You will stand, crouch lay down, aiming your hunting rifle at the door(s).
But, make sure to take caution. If someone walks into the room, there is a high possibility that it's your friend, and not the killer. If they ask you stupid questions, such as "What are you doing," hand them another drink and tell them you're roleplaying.
About 2 hours in from there, all your friends will probably be dead. If after 5AM the laughter and voices of your friends do not stop, there's a high possibility that there was no killer, but the chance of that is about as low as zero.
Back to the subject. If the voices of your friends stop, there's about a 97.4% possibility that they are completely dead, and that the killer has now left, or is looking for you. At this point, an uneducated peasant will think "what do I do now!? I am trapped in this room and I can't even be sure if the killer is gone yet :cry:." But considering the fact that you are reading this guide, I am sure that you are of the highest ranked people in this society.
Well, there is many things you can do at this point. If you have a phone, turn it on 0% volume and start texting (DO NOT CALL THEM) someone who wasn't with you to this trip, and who you presume to be alive and whom you trust. Tell them to call the cops to your location. They should arrive in about 1-3 hours, time can vary based on your location.
If you do NOT have a phone, you must wait until you're positive that it's daytime outside. Then you must grab your gun, sneak to the closed door, open it and run towards the exit for your dear life. There's a chance that the killer has left, but there's also a chance that he/she is still in the house, waiting to ambush anyone brave enough to walk around.

Once you're outside, you must find the most clear path (by clear I mean no trees around the road, no tall grass etc) and make it out of the forest. Once you're out, you're safe.

Be black? Wait but doesn't the black guy always die in every horror movie?!

JebLV
09-07-2015, 05:15 PM
This would be useful for horror games too like "Until Dawn"

26FtW26
09-07-2015, 05:17 PM
Be black? Wait but doesn't the black guy always die in every horror movie?!

no, the black guy normally uses common sense and mostly survives

Linkoftime
09-07-2015, 05:18 PM
Be black? Wait but doesn't the black guy always die in every horror movie?!

But im not dead yet..

Simplify_
09-07-2015, 05:24 PM
no, the black guy normally uses common sense and mostly survives

What about scream 2? And every Steven spielberg movie ever made.

IC Growtopia
09-07-2015, 05:27 PM
This is the greatest guide I have ever seen.

laylaj
09-07-2015, 05:27 PM
intersting thread

26FtW26
09-07-2015, 05:45 PM
intersting thread

interesting reply/s

PolarisHD
09-07-2015, 05:58 PM
Or even better, just be the camera man.

Dodo Wizard
09-07-2015, 06:17 PM
Or even better, just be the camera man.

^ The guy holding a video camera filming the whole string of murders is invincible.