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MidasTouch
12-05-2015, 01:14 AM
OH LOOK I WRITE TOO LOL
This is an excerpt from a book I'm writing currently.
Please give feedback and I'll upload the second one.

juST READ IT FOOLS

“BRRRRRIINNNGGG.” A man sighed as he slammed his alarm clock down with passive force. This man. Japanese yet his personality makes him seem like he has lived on American soil for a thousand years. He is more American then red-necks that his mom brings home every night. Tired and smelling of alcohol. An American is not one that is proud of their country- Sit's behind TV and yells at politicians. Constantly having guns and sleeping in custom made American bed sheets. But an American is one who is noble and will never even destroy anything with the color red and white. But who says a true American needs to be proud of their country?

2005 -- Nashville, _________ -- The Man of the High Blood Pressure


“Hideki Nashville. 16, swears Hiroshima wasn’t a bomb but a single cell of a toxin America has concocted for years? You claimed to be a domestic terrorist to scare people from dating your mother. I must say you are a strange kid.” Said a tall figure. His rested long legs were covering the desk and his feet covered Hideki’s face.

“I didn’t come here to have somebody tell me my whole life-story back to me.” Hideki insisted. He was annoyed by the feet that dangled in front of his face. “I came here to hear my punishment. As far as you know I don’t want American education and I was born in this country to raise hell. Mr. Dick.” Mr. Dick was the principle of the high school he had gone too. And the only person who knew how much chaos Hideki could cause if he was older. And normally students can’t keep a straight face when they say his name. But Hideki’s permanent scowl didn’t even quiver as he spoke the principles name of hilarity. This made Mr. Dick uneasy.
“If you don’t like the education then don’t think of it like that. Think of it like a rehab for you Nashville. Think long and hard. Get expelled and have to face your mother’s disappointment or keep going to this school. Even if you have to fake it- go to college! You’re a smart kid Nash! You can be world famous and you’re going to throw it away for an incident that happened over 40 years ago?”

Hideki was sent up too the principle because he assaulted his classmates after they made fun of Asian eyes. Hideki didn’t have them. People aren’t even sure if he’s Asian. His curly black hair and his permanent scowl are the only things people know him by other then Mr. Dick. Who is well aware of the mass destruction Hideki can do. They both know it. But Hideki respects Mr. Dick too much to bring chaos to America. Yet. Hideki was also very popular with females. People mistake him for being gay cause of his lack of taste in women but Hideki’s tastes are beyond everyone’s understanding. “Look Nashville. When you were getting chased by cops you went straight back home because you knew they would never search you back home since they heard stories about you’re IQ. If you want to change the world you’re going to have to change your attitude.”
Hideki thought for a moment. He looked up. Too Mr. Dicks surprise and joy Hideki bowed. Meaning he accepted his advice. But as Hideki walked out of the room Mr. Dick saw something he didn’t like in Hideki’s eyes.
“You’re right about me going to have to change my attitude.”
“I’m not aggressive enough.”


ITS NOT EVEN THAT LONG

MidasTouch
12-05-2015, 01:26 AM
bump this thread is going to be bumped af

SageDeoxys
12-05-2015, 01:32 AM
Ooh, tis is gud. I'm looking forward to some more.

MidasTouch
12-05-2015, 01:42 AM
Ooh, tis is gud. I'm looking forward to some more.

THANKS MAN I REALLY APPRECIATETHISMANIREALLYDOMANYOUWONTREGRET THIS MAN


a nice long and wet bump for u sir

MidasTouch
12-05-2015, 01:54 AM
IS THAT A BUMP I SEE IS THAT A BUMP A HEAR OH BOY

SageDeoxys
12-05-2015, 01:56 AM
IS THAT A BUMP I SEE IS THAT A BUMP A HEAR OH BOY

You might wanna bump every 1-2 hours instead of every 10 minutes. You might get an infraction for spamming.

MidasTouch
12-05-2015, 01:58 AM
You might wanna bump every 1-2 hours instead of every 10 minutes. You might get an infraction for spamming.

Ah I got you. It's just I get scared when it's all the way at the bottom of the New Posts section.

JOSHIE63
12-05-2015, 02:22 AM
Words and stuff…I will critique it later.

MidasTouch
12-05-2015, 02:26 AM
Words and stuff…I will critique it later.

I CAN WAIT FAM I CAN WAIT

MidasTouch
12-05-2015, 03:05 AM
Bump

I'll post the second part in the morning.

|ThyLuigi|
12-05-2015, 04:28 AM
Mr. Dick was the principle of the high school he had gone too.

Mr. Dick was the principle of the high school he had gone

Mr. Dick was the principle of the high school he had

Mr. Dick was the principle of the high school

Mr. Dick was the principle of the high

was the principle of the

principle
agvjdkwisjneowpdknhio
Principal

Bizarro
12-05-2015, 04:34 AM
You just described how I was in 9th grade. If you ever do publish the book please sell it to me. It's really interesting and entertaining and those symbolisms. WOOOOOOO!

JOSHIE63
12-05-2015, 05:01 AM
Besides solecisms, sentence fragments, and every other grammatical error that could ever be made, it is a great concept. The concept is good enough wherein I can bypass the direct characterization and blatant foreshadowing. However stringent word choice may be to me, I am sure that, ignoring formalities, the story could be great with continuation and centrality on clarity and aptitude.

What I liked specifically was the allusion and pseudo-satirical reference to characterize the protagonist. That was sly enough for not many people to realize it at first glance. That could have been less descriptive in the sentences proceeding it; the explanation was necessary to some readers though — smart decision.

I like books.

MidasTouch
12-05-2015, 01:07 PM
agvjdkwisjneowpdknhio
Principal

i always get those mixed up

- - - Updated - - -


Besides solecisms, sentence fragments, and every other grammatical error that could ever be made, it is a great concept. The concept is good enough wherein I can bypass the direct characterization and blatant foreshadowing. However stringent word choice may be to me, I am sure that, ignoring formalities, the story could be great with continuation and centrality on clarity and aptitude.

What I liked specifically was the allusion and pseudo-satirical reference to characterize the protagonist. That was sly enough for not many people to realize it at first glance. That could have been less descriptive in the sentences proceeding it; the explanation was necessary to some readers though — smart decision.

I like books.

lol i thought the grammar was ok

And thanks for the feedback

- - - Updated - - -

"You're can be world famous!"
THIS WAS NOT ON PURPOSE I WAS RUSHING

MidasTouch
12-05-2015, 01:50 PM
http://www.rtsoft.com/forums/showthread.php?282771-The-Man-of-the-HBP-Second-Page Second excerpt

Magicalfishy
12-05-2015, 02:34 PM
Pretty great mate. I'm waiting for the power reveal. :P

MidasTouch
12-05-2015, 06:16 PM
Pretty great mate. I'm waiting for the power reveal. :P

thanks mung

MidasTouch
12-05-2015, 09:13 PM
bumped af 10bumps

MidasTouch
12-06-2015, 03:47 PM
bumped af af af afaf af

MidasTouch
12-06-2015, 06:15 PM
im just going to leave this bump here