PDA

View Full Version : The Odd Bunch [Part 3 – Alexandra]



GummiBear64
12-23-2015, 02:00 PM
Just a quick note, throughout the story, I will be using dollar currency, instead of the respective currency for the country. I tried to use respective currency but it didn't work as planned.

As a child, I had to have everything. If my sister had a pet cat, I needed one. My friends had a limited edition doll, I needed one. Natrally, that trait - if that's what you would call it - followed me all throughout my adolescent years and even now, at twenty four years of age, I still need everything. Thankfully, it's somewhat tamer. Hi, I'm Alexandra. I'm a female Russian spy and, on the side, a thief.

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you heard correctly. Alexandra is still at large and is currently being pursued by just about every police force in the state. She has just pulled off, what people are calling, her biggest heist yet. We have yet to receive word of any casualties but if you are on the road, please be careful." I hear the radio blare.
"Great, I'm going to go to jail for a long, long time," my accomplice, Daria, said scared.
"As long as you're with me, you won't be going to any jail, Daria." I assured.
"What is it we stole anyway?" Daria asked.
"We stole the President's daughter's $5,000,000 necklace. If you ask me, that was worth nearly dying." I explained.
"It better bloody be worth nearly dying! I almost lost my other eye when his security shot at us." Daria replied.
"Quick, hop out of the car, we run from here." I ordered as I hopped out and ran.
"Are you stupid? We'll get killed!" Daria exclaimed as she followed.
"Trust me, we won't." I replied. "They need us alive, well, at least me anyway."
"What?! Why do they need you alive but not me?!" Daria asked with an aggressive tone.
"Now's not the time! We need to keep running." I insisted.
"No. I'm turning myself in, I can't keep living a life of crime. I'm sorry." Daria informed. "Alexandra, please forgive me. I hope we see each other again soon."
"Daria, no!" I yelled as I stopped behind a dumpster and watched Daria turn around and put her hands up.
The next few moments were inaudible and it felt like it dragged on forever. All I could see was Daria's back, but I knew she would be crying. She was soft like that. Before I knew it, Viktor, a former friend and current bodyguard for the President, had put three bullets into Daria's head and then walked away.

I turned around to start running back home when I saw Viktor bend over to pick her body up.
"What does he want with her body?" I thought to myself. "Our mother won't like this, little sister. Not one bit."
I then ran off towards home.

A few weeks later, I was reading the newspaper when I saw an article which read "Kanchi Research Facility finishes building high tech research equipment, thousand of dollars went into it."
"Mother, I'll be off to Japan soon," I informed her,
"So shortly after your sister's demise?" She asked. "Doesn't that seem a bit rude to you?"
"It's been three weeks Ma. This money could help us rebuild our lives." I answered.
"You act exactly like your sister. You're determined to do what needs to be done to keep this family alive. You even look like her." She replied.
She wasn't lying. We weren't perfectly identical but we both did have black hair and a freckled face.
"If she does what is needed to be done to save this family, why did she give herself up?" I asked.
"I don't know, maybe she knew that she was going to die and you would've been able to get away," she suggested.
"Whatever. Anyway, this research facility wool be a great way to avenger her. All the Presidents of the world will be there, which means Viktor will be there. Two birds for one stone, yeah?" I informed.
"Well, there's no talking you out of it. Just please, come back safely."
"I will mother, I promise."

I wasn't remotely sure if I would come back safely, but after what happened to Daria, I had to give my mother hope, I was all she had left.
I was not prepared for what I was going to find at Kanchi. All I wanted was to avenge my sister, but at what cost would it be?

GummiBear64
12-23-2015, 09:20 PM
I need my well deserved abuse, Luigi.

|ThyLuigi|
12-23-2015, 10:26 PM
I need my well deserved abuse, Luigi.

It's crazy that sisters look similar to each other.

"All the presidents of the world would be there"
With thousands of armed guards, I presume?

Why does the president's daughter even have a 5M$ necklace? Is the president Donald Trump?

GummiBear64
12-23-2015, 10:59 PM
It's crazy that sisters look similar to each other.

"All the presidents of the world would be there"
With thousands of armed guards, I presume?

Why does the president's daughter even have a 5M$ necklace? Is the president Donald Trump?

Identical twins, I might've forgot to state that.

Of course Luigi.

She's a goddamn Russian Spy and thief. She isn't going to steal a $2 necklace.

|ThyLuigi|
12-23-2015, 11:02 PM
Identical twins, I might've forgot to state that.

Of course Luigi.

She's a goddamn Russian Spy and thief. She isn't going to steal a $2 necklace.

That reminds me, did she just kinda waltz into the President's Daughter's room and take her necklace? There is a better story that you could've told that you left out

GummiBear64
12-23-2015, 11:04 PM
That reminds me, did she just kinda waltz into the President's Daughter's room and take her necklace? There is a better story that you could've told that you left out

I understand but I don't really want this story to take forever. I'll definitely do that when she breaches Kanchi.
Heck, I might even end up doing a flashback or something as she tells a story about her last moments with her sister. Please, remember I make this all up on the spot and I appreciate abuse.

|ThyLuigi|
12-23-2015, 11:06 PM
I understand but I don't really want this story to take forever. I'll definitely do that when she breaches Kanchi.
Heck, I might even end up doing a flashback or something as she tells a story about her last moments with her sister. Please, remember I make this all up on the spot and I appreciate abuse.

Flashbacks are horrible. Why use such an uncreative way of telling us what happened? Seems like quite a shame.

GummiBear64
12-23-2015, 11:07 PM
Flashbacks are horrible. Why use such an uncreative way of telling us what happened? Seems like quite a shame.

It was an example. I don't know, maybe the President will watch the security tapes before he goes to Japan because he has a feeling she will be there?
I'm not a perfect storyteller. :(

|ThyLuigi|
12-23-2015, 11:11 PM
It was an example. I don't know, maybe the President will watch the security tapes before he goes to Japan because he has a feeling she will be there?
I'm not a perfect storyteller. :(

Ugh.
should tell the story through non-dialogue actions

When I have time I'll Daffy Duck-ize your story using repl.it.

GummiBear64
12-23-2015, 11:22 PM
Ugh.
should tell the story through non-dialogue actions

When I have time I'll Daffy Duck-ize your story using repl.it.

I understand what you mean Luigi, I just don't see anyway I can do it now, since the story is already out.

meowza
12-27-2015, 02:37 AM
Alexandra is my Irl name :3

GummiBear64
12-27-2015, 02:38 AM
Alexandra is my Irl name :3

Are you a Russian spy?

meowza
12-27-2015, 02:38 AM
Are you a Russian spy?

he knows too much.... Jk but I'm part Russian O.o

GummiBear64
12-27-2015, 02:40 AM
She knows too much.... Jk but I'm part Russian O.o

>she knows to much
>she knows
>she
>she
>she
>she

XXXxxWomen_HuntrxxXXX
12-27-2015, 02:44 AM
creator of hbp and heat here I DONT WANT TO GET BANNED YET

So far I like the story honestly. In my head I see that they are all connected somehow in all the parts. There's not much I can say about your story as of now since there isn't enough for me to give feedback about. I especially like the part where Dahria gets shot when she thinks she going on a peaceful arrest. I like how you never even called the person who shot her a cop. Making me think if this guy will get more character development over the story. But maybe I'm overthinking things to much.

Can't wait for the next part

meowza
12-27-2015, 02:45 AM
>she knows to much
>she knows
>she
>she
>she
>she

Now I feel bad..
Sorry I'm not good at depicting online genders...
I did this to Conan legit yesterday..

GummiBear64
12-27-2015, 03:57 AM
creator of hbp and heat here I DONT WANT TO GET BANNED YET

So far I like the story honestly. In my head I see that they are all connected somehow in all the parts. There's not much I can say about your story as of now since there isn't enough for me to give feedback about. I especially like the part where Dahria gets shot when she thinks she going on a peaceful arrest. I like how you never even called the person who shot her a cop. Making me think if this guy will get more character development over the story. But maybe I'm overthinking things to much.

Can't wait for the next part
Thanks for the little bit of feedback you gave me. I understand you can't give me much because I haven't written much.

Now I feel bad..
Sorry I'm not good at depicting online genders...
I did this to Conan legit yesterday..
I don't mind, it isn't the first time.