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View Full Version : The Odd Bunch [Part 4 – Hiro]



GummiBear64
01-05-2016, 12:50 PM
"Hiro!" My father yelled. "It is time. Time for you to learn how it feels to become the boss of a major corporation. Today, I am assigning you with the task of CEO. Everyone will come to you, ask you questions, clarification and whatnot and it is up to you to help them. I'll be over at your mother's research facility for the day, Kayoko needs my assistance."
"Surely you don't trust me to not find a way to screw this up, father." I responded nervously.
"Oh, I know you'll screw it up. That's why I'm letting you practice before I pass away." He explained as he walked out the door.

"Avo, I need your help with something," I said over the phone to Avo moments after my father walked out. "Father expects me to be CEO for a day and I need your help."
"Well, I was planning on doing spreadsheets all day but if you're CEO and you want me to help, your father can't get mad." Avo responded. Ten minutes later, Avo walked out of the elevator and entered my temporary office.
"So, I haven't had anyone walk through the door and ask questions, but when I do, I need you to make sure I do nothing wrong. I've known you since kindergarten, I trust you with my life." I explained to Avo as he took a seat.
"Sure, I have nothing better to do." He said as someone walked through the door.
"Hiro, where is your father?" Tandashi asked.
"Tandashi, my father has taken the day off and I'm the CEO." I informed. "Any inquires need to be made directly to myself."
"Oh, well, your father said I need to take this to him in person. I suppose it can wait." Tandashi replied.
"No, it's fine. I can take it." I insisted. "I'll see to it that he receives it as soon as possible."
"Ok thanks, Hiro." Tandashi thanked as he walked out of my office.
"What is it Hiro?" Avo asked curiously.
"I don't know, but it was made for father, so I better give it to him. Can you hold down the fort until I return?" I asked.
"Sure, go ahead." Avo replied.

I walked towards the elevator and went all the way down to the ground floor. I then made my way towards my mother's research facility.
"Kanchi research facility, finally going to find out what happens in here." I thought to myself.
I walked towards the main entrance and looked up at the tower looming above. It looks as if it could fall any minute. I pushed open the door and embraced myself for what I was about to see.

"Hello?" I asked as I walked up to the main desk. "I'm looking for Kenshin Akiyama. He came here earlier today."
"Oh yes, he's in the main room. Floor 37, first door on your left as you leave the elevator." The receptionist responded.
"Thank you." I said as I walked off.

The elevator ride was a long and boring one, and the music made it that much worse.
I finally left the elevator and walked towards the main room.
"Father?" I called out. "I have a package for you."
"Hiro, what are you doing here?" Kenshin asked shocked. "You're meant to be taking care of my business."
"It's ok, Avo is doing that. I have a package for you." I respond with a smile.
"Avo is taking care of the business? Good grief, I have to get back as soon as possible."
"Father, please take your parcel first."
"Ok. Now Hiro, I must ask you something and you must not lie. What have you seen here?"
"All I've seen is the reception and this room."
"Good, now off you go back to your office."
"Yes sir."

As I walked out, I overheard my father talking quietly to the workers he was with.
"Make sure he doesn't go to floor 71."
"Floor 71? What's so important there." I thought to myself. "I'm sure a little peek wouldn't hurt."
When I hopped into the elevator, instead of hitting G for ground, I punched in the number 71.
The elevator stopped at floor 71 and when the door opened, I couldn't believe my eyes. I saw lots of machines surrounding, what looked to be a thousand, if not more, hospital beds. Most of the hospital beds were occupied by other humans.
"What is going on here?" I thought aloud. "Why are all these machines and all these hospital beds necessary?"
"Hiro, you shouldn't have come here." Someone said as they grabbed my shoulder and turned me around.
"Father? What's going on?" I asked scared.
"You've seen too much, Hiro. I understand you're my son and all but we can't risk this getting out to the public. For now, you join them." He said as a hospital bed came wheeled up towards me. "See you soon, my son."
"Father? Father!" I yelled as I got pushed onto the bed and needles got injected into me.

|ThyLuigi|
01-05-2016, 10:44 PM
Demmit, it was actually decent

GummiBear64
01-05-2016, 11:57 PM
Demmit, it was actually decent

So you like now, no? I don't have to quit writing because you are satisfied?

GummiBear64
01-08-2016, 02:18 AM
Bumping for criticism, sugarcoating or abuse (unless you're ThyLuigi).

|ThyLuigi|
01-08-2016, 04:13 AM
So you like now, no? I don't have to quit writing because you are satisfied?

I never ever said that. My eternal desire for decent writing will never be quenched.

GummiBear64
01-08-2016, 11:44 AM
I never ever said that. My eternal desire for decent writing will never be quenched.

ITS GOOD WRITING JUST ADMIT IT IM BETTER THAN HAKMA

Punch
01-08-2016, 11:54 AM
ITS GOOD WRITING JUST ADMIT IT IM BETTER THAN HAKMA

Hakma is our god, fellow peasant. Divine punishment as mentioned by JOSHIE63 will happen to your mortal body. You dare compare yourself to HAKMA?! HAKMACRACY IS THE BEST POLICY! MORTALS!

GummiBear64
01-08-2016, 11:56 AM
Hakma is our god, fellow peasant. Divine punishment as mentioned by JOSHIE63 will happen to your mortal body. You dare compare yourself to HAKMA?! HAKMACRACY IS THE BEST POLICY! MORTALS!

Ok, maybe I'm not as good as Hakma and I apologise for comparing me, a low life scum, to the likes of Hakma.

LarryLurr
01-08-2016, 02:02 PM
Good story but kinda short I mean the man of god is pretty large and you have more to work with as the reader. I don't even know the setting that well.

GummiBear64
01-08-2016, 11:50 PM
Good story but kinda short I mean the man of god is pretty large and you have more to work with as the reader. I don't even know the setting that well.

Well, err, I shall do better to describe the setting I suppose.

|ThyLuigi|
01-09-2016, 12:23 AM
Ok, maybe I'm not as good as Hakma and I apologise for comparing me, a low life scum, to the likes of Hakma.

Yeah.

scum. ;)

Chills
01-09-2016, 12:36 AM
There is a verb tense shift in the dialogue, and many characters have been nebulously described so far. However, it is an interesting concept, so I will not nitpick the paltry nuances. Instead, I commend you for holding my attention for a few minutes.

GummiBear64
01-09-2016, 01:53 AM
There is a verb tense shift in the dialogue, and many characters have been nebulously described so far. However, it is an interesting concept, so I will not nitpick the paltry nuances. Instead, I commend you for holding my attention for a few minutes.

Thanks, I honestly was unaware of my vast amount of verb tense shifts but I have fixed that problem.
I only describe characters I feel are a major asset to the story I'm trying to tell anyway, thanks for your compliments amd stuff.

LarryLurr
01-09-2016, 04:15 AM
Well, err, I shall do better to describe the setting I suppose.

I wasn't thinking when I made that post. I should've worded it better and It was disrespectful of me to tell you how another story is better then yours instead of helping you with your story. Took me a while to realize I made this mistake.

GummiBear64
01-09-2016, 04:42 AM
I wasn't thinking when I made that post. I should've worded it better and It was disrespectful of me to tell you how another story is better then yours instead of helping you with your story. Took me a while to realize I made this mistake.

It doesn't bother me Larry. Thanks for apologising though.